8:58 PM
people change... and eveyone change for the better.. to improve live... to be likened... but me... i changed for the worse... i change to lose... i change to attitude.... this post is not meant for u (if u are reading now... woever u may be....) to tag and sae that this is not a fact... i noe what i've done and im truly sorry...
as i read 2 ppl's post from 2 other blogs... i cried... drops of tears rolled down my cheek... i cudnt help it... reflecting into the past... i dunno.. im just too confused.... the first went like this :
"hey.. got anythging must share kaes??? dun bottle up eveything and take the burden all by urself... besides.. what are frenx for??? =) < = this may look familiar to one person. PLEASE UNCLE ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS LA. u ask ppl dont bottle thing up u come talk c0ck? "
whoever u are who wrote this.. im not stating that u've done something wrong to write it... and im sorry... if u are reading this... i give u my utmost appology... if u think that i've really change.. fine.. i adit i did... but becos of one evnt that hurt me that much... it cost me a trusted fren.. it cost me my blood... it cost me my tears... it costed me u.
i dun like bottling up my sorrows in my heart... seriously... noone noes what im thinking... but who cares??? u dont... no one does.... the lost of trust ever since that event happened was to great to bear... i seriously dunno who to trust and who to confide in... im not saeing that its ur fault... i noe its utterly mine.. im sorry... i realli wish for the golden daes to come back... i realli wish so... wud u make my dreams a reality???
the second one is rather long and it goes like this :
"heard that many ppl cried.. the leaders.. hais.. didnt expect things get so serious right now.. everyone was punctual todae..and most of the ppl went for band prac.. its so crucial..hahas. he talked in front of the whole band todae. i wont mention whu.his words touched everyone's heart i think? and most of them cried.
hmm..he talked about last yr's syf.. chatted with xxxxx jus now.. we remembered the days.. the days when....everyone called my hp at a certain time for conference including yyyyy.everyone chatted happily..everyone talked about everything.everyone cares for each other.everyone loves each other so much.now.. it became the opposite..?xxxxx and i realli dono how to help him.. i noe we meant nothing to him right now..
xxxxx said..maybe we are jus temporily his best frens at that time..now he has found nicer frens.. so we will remain as normal frens..that isnt wad we wan.. why cant he understand.. we kept worrying bout him..and he treated us like this.. last time.. he told us many things.. told xxxxx never to quarrel anymore.. tells mi when he quarreled with xxxxx ..now.. not a single hi from him to me.or maybe to xxxxx too..maybe now he has zzzzzz.. maybe he doesnt need us anymore..we r not sure bout it.. last time..when i tried to cheer him up,i will recieve msg like: thx..i will cheer up sis.dun worry.now..i sms him again.. and the reply was: ok ty.thats all. i went speechless.
xxxxx nearly cried.and me too..i cried once becos of him..maybe we cared too much for him le..? maybe we too busybody le? maybe we meant nothing to him le.. i dono..we dono..we realli dono wad he is thinking.. can someone pls tell us..?wad causes the change in him..? i really hope we can be like last time..i still remember the time when he wanted to step down as a monitor.. and how i persuaded him.now..and tat time..as wad xxxxx said..the change was like.. ok.=X speechless again.wad should we do right noww..waiting for him to change bck? or he doesnt wan us to bother bout him..or he doesnt bothers bout us anymore? maybe ccccc ddddd eeeee ffffff ggggg are the ones fer him.. gettting mad..i noe he has many frens and sons whu are concern bout him.. but does he noes that we are always thinking bout him..? "
hmmm..... i think this post was rather meaningful... it make me think again and again what went wrong... seriously... no answer poppped out.. this post wasnt meant for me to sae im right or blame u.. this post is to tell everyone indeed i've changed... and im sorry... i've realli tried... but someone made a difference in my life... this hole in my heart have not patched up....
i just want to sae that i still care abt u guys... as much as u guys are constantly thinking of me ( as u've saed ) .. i've also done so... but its not like what u sae... seriously.... i dun mean to sae this... but i must honestly sae that its someone's attitude that made me change.. it made me realise that im no longer important.... since u cud live without me... i tried... apparently changing in the process.... and puh- lease... im not saeing u are the cause of this... but i meant that i realli wish to have the golden days back again...
abt that sms.... i didnt mean to just tell u ty.. i realli wish to pour out to u.. i realli wanted to tell someone how i felt... but i cudnt bring myself to do it... it was the veri dae the speech was made.... and after that... jia ying told me something that made me drop a few tears in the band room... as i went into the toilet to wash my face... ivan also broke down... and all i cud tell him is "cheer up. u can do it der" my oint is.. i cud have saed alot to ivan.. and sms even more to u... but i just wanted to reflect... normally.. i wud just take a bus outside the school busstop after a tiring dae.. that veri nite... i walked all the way to chiltern park... cryying as i walked down the path... even the passer bys who passed by stared inquisitively at me....
sometimes... i realli dunno what to do with myself... i realli feel alone.. yet there's so many people out there wanting to care for me... im sorry... screw me....
forget abt the sad stuff... got a sort of happie stuff to share... last wednesdae stayed back in class iwth wen jie and dawei for art....then xxxxx yyyyy and zzzzz ( fyi... this xxxxx, yyyyy, zzzzz is not the same as the one above ) came into my classroom and made a mess out of my painting... hehe.. anywae.... after that they went off to get their bags... then xxxxx came up and looked for xxxxx's wallet.... then after that wenjie saed something to xxxxx... then xxxxx sae something like y??? u jealous argh.... u want to see???? and the next moment i noe.... xxxxx planted a kiss on my face.... LOL... i noe alot of u will start thinking of stuffs now... seriously... its unexpected.... haha.... but since xxxxx did it... cant do anything about it... haha.... love you xxxxx..... arghx.. its the first time anyone ever kissed me... hehe....
haix.. so many things are happening ad i realli hope that i have osmeone to hsare with... i realli want to share it with u... pls.. im sorry.... i will change.... i hope the golden days will be back.... and we'll live happily ever after...........
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