Saturday, March 25, 2006

8:49 PM

hey.. bak. well, thanx for flooding my tagboard.. at least tis blog is still alive. coz the man handling tis blog is dying. he's dying of fear, of sadness, of stress, of loneliness.haix. k, i juz came out from the toilet, and while bathing, i was thinking of wat "lmao" on my tagboard saed. maybe he was rite, i hav no frenz, all are fake. they come as they like and go as they want. perhaps tt's y i m all sad and lonely now. well, tis reflection all started ystdae when...

i was at the esplanade and "irresponsible" me forget to bring the money for ystdae's dinner. so i tot i claim from tehni and si yuan hu owes me $$$. hu noes si yuan did nt bring his $$$ then hav to claim from yvoone hu also borrow from him, bt yvonne dun hav small change and i did nt noe. so i tot si yuan playin wif me, so rudely, tis was wat happen

me: si yuan, can u giv me the $$$ now!!!
sy: my $$$ for other ppl lah.
me: hurry up lah, dun play. i realli need the $$$. i 4got to bring ur $$$ for dinner.
sy: then u go tell yvonne lah.(went to ask yv for $$$)
yv: i dun hav lah.. i..
me:(interrupted loudly) i did nt bring ur dinner money tyodae. so i need the $$ urgently.
yv: i dun hav small change.(threw wallet on the floor) u wan u go and take!!!

well, the small dispute made me realize inddeed how "irresponsible" i m. and how stressed too. coz i dun oftenly shout. only when i m stressed. like wif zuoxian.i m sry. bt the dae b4, my parents had a dispute and quarrel over the fone. i guess yv heard it when she toked to me over the fone too. but... and tt's also y i sounded veri restless when peijie told me tt ltr tt nite got confernce. imagine. the dispute was so loud tt even when they close the door, the heated argument cud be heard from the fone. i m rrealli stressed. realli dying. but yet lonely me seem to be so stranded on an island wif no help. so on the bus, i cried. maybe chee yew knew tt i did. and my music was like full blast to drown my sorrows. i realli felt stressed. wif my parents arguing day in day out. and the argument i heard wasnt pleasent. so i chose to escape reality.and through the reflection on the bus bak from thye esplanade, i decided : WELL, IT'S BEST THAT I QUIT BEING A MONITOR, A BAND MAJOR, AND A STUDENT CONDUCTOR. tis are too much for me.

as a monitor, i muz open and lock the class door, attend redundant meetings, face teachers, help teachers, kpo for the class. if i wasnt a monitor, i guess i was free of the burden to join the lit evening script writing, the rocket competition, and the class tee. when teacher comes in they ask: "samuel, where's the chair???" and i take the chair. miss lau comes in and see the table in a mess and she hinted me to clear it up wif a story and i had to clear the sheet. todae's parents dae i also had to skip lunch to arrange the things and help the teachers. and wat do i get in return??? 2 merit points only??? i dun need it.

and so to keep myself free and available, maybe escaping reality is not a bad idea after all. and besides, a secong dispute happen the veri same dae, tt yvoone saed i was irresponsible monitor and tt the dinner is at 4.30 (though i noe and told her it's at 5). if i cant even handle my own stress, y shud i care about others???

thanx realli xinni, pei jie, hanting, allan and ivan for being there for me when i needed u. u r the only 5 ppl hu hav came to help me by accompanying me on this tiny island. thanx a thousnad for being my listening ears. through the conferences, i realli felt glad tt someone wud listen to me and tok to me to pass time and not hear my parents dispute.thanx nini for being a great listening ear. and a talkative one. and peijie hu helped me got the others into confernecing. and hanting for toking just as much to keep me aaccompany. and ivan, for being my listening hearing son. and allan also being the talkative chap.thanx.

well, at least my descion's made when i told miss lea when again yv saed that i was responsible for the wrong thing and she sacarsticly told tt to shi yuan too. tt was y i did not want ian to noe wat i tell miss lea. coz i dun wish for anyone to interfere wif my final descision.well, too much sad things and my tears are drying. so heres gd news. todae's parents dae and so tis is my result. well nt bad ler.

eng- b3
chinese- b3
maths- a2
geog- a2
lit- a2
science- b3
d and t- c6
arts- a

lolx.well, gonna conference now. tata

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Saturday, March 25, 2006